


Tea Statements

by XIIIBlackCatXIII



Series: The Magnus Archives shorts [11]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Bad tea making, Gen, Pure Bullshit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24027301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XIIIBlackCatXIII/pseuds/XIIIBlackCatXIII
Summary: As usual, s1 shenanigans. Written as though it's an episode transcript, except I didn't look at any before writing it.Jon is forced to talk about how he makes tea.Alternatively, Tim makes another bad decision.
Series: The Magnus Archives shorts [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689514
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	Tea Statements

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so when I say that a lot of the dumb things I write about Jon doing are based on dumb things I do I just want u 2 remember that I dont like tea-

[Click]

[Muffled noises]

I'm not-

[More muffled noises]

No!

This is completely ridiculous!

Don't- 

[Different muffled noises]

Sasha don't agree with him!

This is  _ completely _ unprofessional!

[Muffled noises return]

I don't- it doesn't matter if it's three against one, I'm your boss!

Just let me- 

[Sing-song muffled noises]

Fine!

[Muffled noises, but cut off]

_ Fine! _

[Archivist grumbling]

I'm going to fire you all one day.

[Short muffled noise]

Yes, especially you Tim!

[Hurt muffled noises]

[More Archivist grumbling]

Now where's the bloody thing-

Oh. 

I must have accidentally turned it on.

Well, at least I can use anything it heard as evidence for misdemeanors into the workplace.

[The sound of a fist whacking a wooden door]

Yes, yes! 

I'm bloody well getting to it!

_ God! _

[The Archivist clears their throat, his speech embarrassed]

Statement of Jonathan Sims, regarding how I make tea. Statement given under threat of being locked in within my own office overnight by my own assistants, Timothy Stoker, Sasha James, and Martin Blackwood, until someone gives pity upon me.

[Panicked noises from beyond the door]

Yes Martin, you're complicit in this as well!

[The sounds of a scuffle, then someone being dragged away]

[The Archivist sighs]

Try not to kill your coworkers, Tim.

[Muttered]

Worth a try.

[The Archivist clears their throat, once again]

Statement, blah blah blah, tea. I don't see why this is so important to them, nor why it was worth the horrified stares Martin gave me when he saw me making my tea.

As anyone would, I start my tea by turning the kettle on. I put a teabag in my mug.

The teabag seeps for as long as it takes the water to pour into the mug, and I add my sugar.

Which is whatever is available at the time, I think it was some soft brown sugar this time, for whatever reason that was in our break room.

I then- 

[A sharp rap at the door, muffled speech]

_ Fine,  _ Timothy.

I do not know how much sugar I put in, as I merely poured it in rather than dirtying it with the spoon used to remove the teabag, or dirtying another spoon. I… may have poured a few spoonfuls of sugar. It's to be expected when you're not using adequate measuring equipment.

[The Archivist makes an odd noise, and then speaks at a much quicker pace]

Then I do the same with the coffee whitner, and mix it all up so there's no lumps floating in it.

Are you happy now Tim?

[Muffled noises from beyond the door that even the Archivist cannot parse]

[The sound of the Archivist tapping his foot]

[A lock clicks]

[The door is pulled open with force, the Archivist speaks]

_ Timothy Stoker. _

[Timothy]

See boss! Told you it wouldn't be so bad! 

[He laughs]

And I didn't think your face could turn that colour!

[Sasha, low, in a warning tone]

Tim, maybe you should-

[The Archivist]

_ Run, Stoker. _

[A pause]

[The sounds of Tim running and jumping over desks as The Archivist pursues]

[Silence]

[Martin]

You know, I don't think I've ever seen Jon run before.

[Sasha, with a laugh]

I didn't think he could!

[They chuckle for a moment]

[Tim screams in the distance]

[Silence]

[Martin]

Well uh-

[Sasha, at the same time]

We should probably- 

[She gives a small, awkward laugh]

We should probably get back to work now huh.

[Martin]

Y- yeah.

I think I might, um, clean up Tim's mess? In, in here, not-

[Sasha] 

-yeah. Yeah that sounds good. Um. Have fun?

[Martin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Click]

**Author's Note:**

> Where was elias during all this?idk probably being disgusted at jon-


End file.
